Heavy Heart, Crocodile Tears...

My baby cried tonight and it broke my heart. I've seen her cry countless times, but tonight I wanted to shed my own tears as I listened to her talk about her day at school.  Today, those that she thought were her friends, suddenly became her tormentors.  "Let's not talk to her anymore", she heard them whisper.  "The plan starts now so don't play with her", she heard another say.  It was the first time that she'd been made to feel like an outsider by those that she trusted.   Until today, she'd felt like she belonged.  "Nobody would tell me why they wouldn't talk to me", she sobbed.  I suggested that it may have been a joke that her friends were playing on her.  While this may have been the case, Christina saw no humor in their behavior towards her, and neither did I.  Navigating the social world of a 12 year old girl is hard enough without this sort of thing coming into play.  In fact, many children with ADHD, learning challenges or other disabilities struggle to keep their heads above water socially - especially during their "tweenage" and teenage years.

Today was also the first time that Christina verbalized her feelings to me about feeling "different".  I thank God for prompting me to talk to her yesterday about her feelings.  I  let her know that she could talk to me about anything....even things that she herself doesn't understand.  She told me tonight that she remembered me telling her this at bedtime last night, and when the painful memories of her school day suddenly came flooding back to her at 7:30 tonight,  she knew that this was something she could come to me with.  We prayed together and I asked God to give her His strength and His peace. I hugged her and she hugged me back...hard.   I talked to her for a long time about why other kids say and do such mean things to others. I encouraged her to think about how awful she was feeling and remember that no one likes to be laughed at or made fun of the next time that she is tempted to make fun of someone else.  I told her that if this kind of thing happens again, anywhere, she is to find an adult that she can trust and let them know what is happening.   Perhaps most importantly though, I told her that I loved her and that everyone is unique in some way, not just her.

I knew this day would come, yet I found myself completely unprepared for the intense emotions that I experienced.  I was sad, hurt and angry all at once.  Impulsively, I wanted to defend Christina and report the other students to her teacher and, at first, she agreed with my plan.  Then, the Lord had me ask her again.  "Do you want me to call your teacher to tell her about this or do you want to see how things go tomorrow first?".  Bravely she answered, "I want to see how tomorrow goes first."
 
I'll whisper an extra prayer for my baby girl tomorrow when I drop her off at school.  Today was a tough day of firsts for her.  Still, in the midst of it all, God was right there preparing the way for her.  He didn't change the course of events that played out today at school, but He did help us both to prepare for them!  The paths that we take in our lives won't always be the easy ones, but I've learned that God ALWAYS goes before us no matter where our journey make take us!