So, exactly how does the verse go? Is it "...in everything give thanks..." or is it "...for everything give thanks"? I don't have my bible here with me at the moment, but I'm pretty sure that its "in everything give thanks". I have to be honest and tell you that I don't always feel thankful. There, I said it. On nights that homework turns into a 3+ hour ordeal or those mornings when I realize that I've heard myself say "please put on deodorant" at least 10 times, I don't feel thankful. When I was told that my daughter had autism, I didn't feel thankful. When strangers in stores and restaurants gave us angry stares because my daughter was too loud or too busy for their taste, I didn't feel thankful. Tired, frustrated, irritated and discouraged would be more fitting descriptions of how I felt at those moments.
I've come to realize that God expects me to cycle through emotions like these because I am human. Because I know that He loves and understands me better than I do myself, I've let myself off the hook for having these feelings at times. Cycling through strong emotions like anger, fear, sadness and joy is a normal part of being a parent/caregiver of a child with a disability. In fact, many of us will cycle through these emotions over and over again as our children grow up. At each age, our children will meet important milestones in their development but with those successes come reminders of the milestones that they have not reached or may never reach. Every time that this happens many parents cycle through the emotions of fear, anger, hopelessness and sadness again and again. Knowing in our hearts that all things are possible with God doesn't mean that we won't feel a twinge of emotions like these every now and then. What's important, however, is that we don't allow emotions like these to overtake us and dictate how we interact with and plan for our children.
One of the keys to successful "faith-parenting", is finding things about your child and your family to celebrate and be thankful for. Thought not always obvious, there is always something to be thankful for. Maybe its the way your child smiled at you when you hugged him or her goodnight. Maybe its the reassuring hug that your spouse gave you without you having to utter a word about how tough your day had been. Maybe you're thankful because your child is finally sleeping through the night. For me, some of my simplest joys have come from "the little things" that have happened in our lives. For example, I can remember being very thankful that my daughter had lost her fear of other children and was beginning to make friends in pre-school. I can also remember being VERY thankful for a "Pat the Bunny" videotape that we'd checked out from our local library. Who knew that it would put an end to the daily 2-3 hour tantrums we'd become accustomed to when she was young? We decided to purchase the videotape eventually and I think that we played it until it literally fell apart :)! My daughter loved the songs on that tape and would ask us to play the tape for her at least twice every day. We were all too happy to oblige!
We can use our faith to continue to give God thanks for all that He has done, in spite of any difficulties that we may be going through. I've often prayed and told God that even though I couldn't see how He was working things out for my good, I was thankful that in the midst of whatever I (or my family) was going through, He was still there. So while I may not have been expressing thanks for the actual circumstances, I was thankful for the blessed assurance from God that He is an ever-present help in the time of trouble.
Faith believes and expects the impossible!
Friday, November 25, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Yet Will I Trust Him!
Seven weeks ago, I suddenly lost about 95% of the central vision in my left eye. At first, I thought that my vision loss was a complication of the type 2 diabetes that I was diagnosed with in 2005. Within 48 hours, my loss of vision was so significant, that I had difficulty doing my job, driving in the rain and driving at night. "What is going on?", I wondered. I was seen by my eye doctor twice in as many days. During my second visit, she referred me to a retinal specialist and told me that I had something called macular edema. Being the researcher that I am, I rushed home to google the condition and discovered that it was considered by many to be a pretty big deal. Some articles said that vision loss associated with the disorder was usually permanent. Other articles said that the opposite was true. Yikes! I decided to pray and wait until I saw the specialist a week later to see what his exam revealed.
On the third day of my vision loss, I got an email from a woman at my church. She was planning the children's activities for our upcoming week-long Campmeeting (revival) and she wanted to know if I could come by the church on the following Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon to help prepare some of the children's activites. It was the last sentence of her email that got my attention. It said, "Meet me in the Hall of Miracles if you can make it." The Hall of Miracles (HOM) is a large
multi-purpose/activity room in our church, located on the second floor at the top of a spiral staircase. "Meet me in the hall of miracles", I muttered to myself. Surely God knew that I was in no condition to help with a craft activity. After all, I could hardly see out of my left eye! It was then that I saw the email for what it really was. I considered it to be an invitation from God Himself to shift my focus from the problem with my eye to finding out what He wanted me to put my hands to in spite of the eye problem. Instantly, I became excited and could hardly wait for the following Tuesday to arrive.
When Tuesday came, it brought with it a monsoon-like storm that prevented me from being able to drive to the church. I was disappointed, but vowed that if if didn't rain the next day, I would get there. On Wednesday afternoon at about 2:30PM, I walked into the hall of miracles. I was asked to help another gentleman make paper cut outs of a family. Yes, God does have a sense of humor! "Really?", I thought. "Okay, God. If this is what you want me to do, then I will honor You by doing it!". I picked up my pair of scissors and began my work. Turns out that the gentleman working with me had also had problems with his eyes, and the Lord taken care of him. He'd had surgery on both of his eyes, and had a wonderful testimony about how God had provided for Him by sending him to the right physicians and surgeons. His vision had been restored and he was grateful to God for taking care of him. I found his words comforting, because I had begun to feel a little uneasy about my vision loss. By the time we finished our project, my new friend and I had shared alot of our personal testimony with each other. We were both edified by this exchange and we prayed for each other as we parted company.
On September 30, I saw the retinal specialist. He told me that i had a type of retinopathy, but that he expected my condition to improve on its own with time. He signed the short-term disability paperwork that I'd given him and told me to come back to see him in seven weeks. So I went home that afternoon, not sure what I would do during the seven weeks that I was at home. Soon, the Lord spoke to my heart and reminded me that the book He'd given me to write in 2006 was still unfinished. That was it. I would use the time at home to complete that book! I got to work on the book, never really giving much attention to the problem with my eye. There were days that I had more difficulty than others, and on those days I didn't do as much work on the computer, but I kept moving forward.
Today, seven weeks later, the vision in my left eye is at least as good as it was before the onset of the problem. In fact, my doctor described the change as "dramatic and amazing". Many of you already know that my book is also complete. I give God all of the glory for both!
Looking back on the past seven weeks, I realized that I might never have completed my book, formed my publishing company, and implemented marketing strategies if I hadn't had the time at home to get it done. I don't believe that God caused my eye problem, but I know that in spite of it all, He was working everything out for my good!
On the third day of my vision loss, I got an email from a woman at my church. She was planning the children's activities for our upcoming week-long Campmeeting (revival) and she wanted to know if I could come by the church on the following Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon to help prepare some of the children's activites. It was the last sentence of her email that got my attention. It said, "Meet me in the Hall of Miracles if you can make it." The Hall of Miracles (HOM) is a large
multi-purpose/activity room in our church, located on the second floor at the top of a spiral staircase. "Meet me in the hall of miracles", I muttered to myself. Surely God knew that I was in no condition to help with a craft activity. After all, I could hardly see out of my left eye! It was then that I saw the email for what it really was. I considered it to be an invitation from God Himself to shift my focus from the problem with my eye to finding out what He wanted me to put my hands to in spite of the eye problem. Instantly, I became excited and could hardly wait for the following Tuesday to arrive.
When Tuesday came, it brought with it a monsoon-like storm that prevented me from being able to drive to the church. I was disappointed, but vowed that if if didn't rain the next day, I would get there. On Wednesday afternoon at about 2:30PM, I walked into the hall of miracles. I was asked to help another gentleman make paper cut outs of a family. Yes, God does have a sense of humor! "Really?", I thought. "Okay, God. If this is what you want me to do, then I will honor You by doing it!". I picked up my pair of scissors and began my work. Turns out that the gentleman working with me had also had problems with his eyes, and the Lord taken care of him. He'd had surgery on both of his eyes, and had a wonderful testimony about how God had provided for Him by sending him to the right physicians and surgeons. His vision had been restored and he was grateful to God for taking care of him. I found his words comforting, because I had begun to feel a little uneasy about my vision loss. By the time we finished our project, my new friend and I had shared alot of our personal testimony with each other. We were both edified by this exchange and we prayed for each other as we parted company.
On September 30, I saw the retinal specialist. He told me that i had a type of retinopathy, but that he expected my condition to improve on its own with time. He signed the short-term disability paperwork that I'd given him and told me to come back to see him in seven weeks. So I went home that afternoon, not sure what I would do during the seven weeks that I was at home. Soon, the Lord spoke to my heart and reminded me that the book He'd given me to write in 2006 was still unfinished. That was it. I would use the time at home to complete that book! I got to work on the book, never really giving much attention to the problem with my eye. There were days that I had more difficulty than others, and on those days I didn't do as much work on the computer, but I kept moving forward.
Today, seven weeks later, the vision in my left eye is at least as good as it was before the onset of the problem. In fact, my doctor described the change as "dramatic and amazing". Many of you already know that my book is also complete. I give God all of the glory for both!
Looking back on the past seven weeks, I realized that I might never have completed my book, formed my publishing company, and implemented marketing strategies if I hadn't had the time at home to get it done. I don't believe that God caused my eye problem, but I know that in spite of it all, He was working everything out for my good!
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